Beast For Thee

"Why aren't you kind to me?
You could so easily
Take me in your arms and see
A donkey – a beast for thee


If you had half a mind
Leave worldly things behind
Devote to being kind
You to me – a beast for thee


Love in some way you choose
God's plan can easy bruise
(...)"

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRrna5TtlC0 - from Now Here's My Plan; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upWlKUZWT4g]

In haunted attics

"I'm not living
I'm just killing time"

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsJTaMSx3_8]

98-07

Foi a última vez que senti que fazia parte de alguma coisa. O resto foi uma ilusão de felicidade e pertença.

Your lips taste of poison

S.

"No kind words are coming out of your mouth
Plenty goes in but nothing good comes out
Badmouth, sad mouth, you were an unhappy child
That doesn't make your lying tongue alright

Wash it out, wash it out, wash it out

Cos everything is poison
You'll be the unhappy one
Your lips taste of poison
You're gonna be left alone

When you told me every word you said
Came from voices talking in your head
Baby, I just think you're out for what you can get
Your badmouth has killed off everything we had"


Polly Jean Harvey
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zu7xIFoLzQ]

6

Passaram exactamente 6 meses desde que senti o napalm a queimar-me a pele - pela primeira vez.

Detachment still

... quando alguém acha que no final de uma relação - longa e significativa para o outro - a frase mais adequada é:  "Não é terapêutico nem para mim, nem para ti.".

hanging on the light

"Everybody needs an angel
But here's that devil by my side"

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHZLCj4UDBE; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOyb-jlVp7c]

Detachment

... ou a racionalidade (para alguns):

"Eu não te sinto como um dano colateral... lamento que tu te sintas, mas acredito que superes isso."

Se calhar, a empatia não é mesmo para todos. Já o optimismo - no que diz respeito à desgraça alheia - parece ser uma inevitabilidade.

"Though I have all the means
of bringing you fuckers down
I can't make myself
To destroy upon command
Somehow forgiveness
lets the evil make a loss"

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUvuXXbMwq8]

Not quite there, yet

Num acto de cobardia fechaste os olhos para não ver a cicatriz que deixaste.


(music fills my bones again, at last.)
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aKumhkrj1M]

Porque por vezes as palavras dos outros nos assentam como uma luva...


O momento da decisão é um momento de impiedade. Escolhemos aquilo que é bom para nós, e os outros que se aguentem. Há com certeza excepções altruístas, ocasionais ou reincidentes, mas em geral é cada um por si. A nossa decisão muitas vezes não tem mal nenhum, o mundo continua todo exactamente como dantes, fica tudo esquecido num instante. Mas há decisões que afectam toda a vida de terceiros, de alto e baixo, e durante anos. Quem dispõe com impiedade da vida dos outros está no seu legítimo direito, mas também ter que ser homenzinho (ou mulherzinha) suficiente para aguentar o embate. Não falo de vinganças, que é coisa que detesto, ou de ressentimentos, que talvez sejam ainda piores que a vingança; o que eu digo é que quem dá uma navalhada tem de estar disposto a conviver com a cicatriz na cara de quem esfaqueou. Seria grotesco que protestasse contra a cicatriz, por inestética e ofensiva, quando segurou a arma branca que rasgou o rosto alheio. A impiedade da decisão tem de ser obrigada a conviver com a impiedade dos resultados da decisão. É um espectáculo lamentável? Ah, só reparaste agora? 

Pedro Mexia

(in http://estadocivil.blogspot.pt/2008_10_01_archive.html)

And then he laughed...

Como se fosse absurdo e ingénuo acreditar num projecto feito a dois. 

(Talvez tenha razão.)

Haunting

"When the room is quiet
The daylight almost gone
It seems there's something I should know
Well, I ought to leave
But the rain it never stops
And I've no particular place to go

Just when I think I'm winning
When I've broken every door
The ghosts of my life
Blow wilder than before
Just when I thought I could not be stopped
When my chance came to be king
The ghosts of my life
Blew wilder than the wind

Well, I'm feeling nervous
Now I find myself alone
The simple life's no longer there
Once I was so sure
Now the doubt inside my mind
Comes and goes, but leads nowhere"

David Sylvian

Note to self

Let it die.

A wolf among wolves

"Somos frágeis e fátuos e insignificantes. O amor às vezes reduz essa insignificância ou cria a ilusão de que significamos alguma coisa. Outras vezes é o mesmo amor que nos reduz à nossa insignificância. E de cada vez que aprendemos isto, aprendemos isto pela primeira vez."

Pedro Mexia
(in http://estadocivil.blogspot.pt/2008_01_01_archive.html)

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Fldi1Fq7A]

Coubeste toda no espaço do meu abraço. A tua força cedeu à minha tristeza e ficaste frágil e pequenina.  És sempre forte, excepto quando te abraço…


I was a bad seed. Take my young body home, take my body home…
Al Spx

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37p36-eyiXc]

"do you really think you can just put it in a safe, behind a painting, lock it up and leave?"

Matt Berninger
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1UwnMJ-5KE]

So how did I...

"And she says:
'So how did I end up
So deeply involved in
The very existence
I planned on avoiding?'
And I can't answer
(...)
And she says:
'So how did I end up
Attached to this person
When his sense of humour
Gets gradually worser?'
And I can't tell her
(...)
And we're shaking hands
Goodnight, so politely"

Morrissey
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEuC4jlQc-g]

I'm burning up all this pain

"I'm close to heaven
Crushed at the gate
They sharpen their knives
On my mistakes
What she done you can't
Give it a name
Just make it rain
(...)
Hell can't burn me
More than this
I'm burning up all this pain
Open up the heavens
Make it rain
I'm born to trouble
I'm born to fate
Inside a
Promise I can't escape
It's the same old world
But nothing looks the same
Make it rain
Make it rain
Make it rain"

Tom Waits

On my way...

S.

Maybe I should've paid more attention.

Contrabando de ilusões

"essa noite que eu retive, tu estiveste lá também, uma noite de prodígios, sabes bem.
(...) tu não cabes nesta cama, e agora é verdade, porque dizem que quem ama é quem aceita a crueldade. Eu descia às paredes, tu subias alçapões, era o nosso contrabando de ilusões."


Pedro Mexia

[texto e voz colados à pele]

(absolutely) whipped

It felt like napalm was running through my veins.

“Não tiveste sequer entrada no capítulo dos «sentimentos». És apenas um incompetente.”


Pedro Mexia, Estado Civil
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9--s3ELazs]

"É preciso esquecer devagar. Se uma pessoa tenta esquecer-se de repente, a outra pode ficar-lhe para sempre."

Miguel Esteves Cardoso
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssdgFoHLwnk]

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss?

"The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart 
The saddest part of a broken heart 
Isn't the ending so much as the start"

Feist

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob1CdTLDj10]

S.

Homenagem

Porque te amo muito... e temo não te conseguir mostrar o quanto...

"(...)

Seu corpo move-se

pelo meio dos ossos filiais, pelos tendões

e órgãos mergulhados,

e as calmas mães intrínsecas sentam-se

nas cabeças filiais.

Sentam-se, e estão ali num silêncio demorado e apressado

vendo tudo,

e queimando as imagens, alimentando as imagens

enquanto o amor é cada vez mais forte.

E bate-lhes nas caras, o amor leve.

O amor feroz.

E as mães são cada vez mais belas.

Pensam os filhos que elas levitam.

Flores violentas batem nas suas pálpebras.

Elas respiram ao alto e em baixo. São

silenciosas.

(...)

As mães são as mais altas coisas

que os filhos criam, porque se colocam

na combustão dos filhos, porque

os filhos estão como invasores dentes-de-leão

no terreno das mães.

E as mães são poços de petróleo nas palavras dos filhos,

e atiram-se, através deles, como jactos

para fora da terra.

(...)

E através da mãe o filho pensa

que nenhuma morte é possível e as águas

estão ligadas entre si

por meio da mão dele que toca a cara louca

da mãe que toca a mão pressentida do filho.

E por dentro do amor, até somente ser possível

amar tudo,

e ser possível tudo ser reencontrado por dentro do amor."

Herberto Helder

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8bk9_nzLcM]

Little Girl Blue (II)

"If I had a million dollars give you every, every dime
Just to hear you call me Bonny one more time

You called me B-O-N-N-Y
B-O-N-N-Y, Bonny
You called me Bonny
(B-O-N-N-Y) Used to sound so good
(B-O-N-N-Y) You don't know how much I miss you
(B-O-N-N-Y, B-O-N-N-Y)
(B-O-N-N-Y, B-O-N-N-Y)
(B-O-N-N-Y)"

Bobby Bland

Little Girl Blue (I)

"My heart's in my hand, I'm gonna give it you
Well, your heart's like stone and I can't reach you

Open up your heart, let me come in
I've no hair on my chinny chin-chin
Know I love you and I won't hurt you
I'm not a big bad wolf, just a little boy blue"

George Jones

Poetry is no place for a heart that's a whore

"Poetry is no place for a heart that's a whore
And I'm young and I'm strong
But I feel old and tired
Overfired

And I've been poked and stoked
It's all smoke, there's no more fire
Only desire
For you, whoever you are
For you, whoever you are

You say my time here has been some sort of joke
That I've been messing around
Some sort of incubating period
For when I really come around
I'm cracking up
And you have no idea

No idea how it feels to be on your own
In your own home
with the fucking phone
And the mother of gloom
In your bedroom
Standing over your head
With her hand in your head
With her hand in your head

I will not pretend
I will not put on a smile
I will not say I'm all right for you
When all I wanted was to be good
To do everything in truth
To do everything in truth

Oh I wish I wish I wish I was born a man
So I could learn how to stand up for myself
Like those guys with guitars
I've been watching in bars
Who've been stamping their feet to a different beat
To a different beat
To a different beat

I will not pretend
I will not put on a smile
I will not say I'm all right for you
When all I wanted was to be good
To do everything in truth
To do everything in truth

You bloody mother fucking asshole
Oh you bloody mother fucking asshole
Oh you bloody mother fucking asshole
Oh you bloody mother fucking asshole
Oh you bloody mother fucking asshole
Oh you bloody...

I will not pretend
I will not put on a smile
I will not say I'm all right for you
For you, whoever you are
For you, whoever you are
For you, whoever you are"

Martha Wainwright

Sorrow

You justify yourself for telling me nothing but the truth. You chose to have a cold and distant approach, dare I say, aseptic! As you would in some lab experience… not in a human interaction. Well, after that, there was not much left anyway.

So... you could have spared the words that wounded me as sharp razor blades…  I was already bleeding.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg1jyL3cr60 over and over again]

fragile red

Never more than a dream

"(...)
So sad our
Our memory

Now he talks in his sleep
Says I've never known peace
And I don't know him now
He's a stranger to me


How can this be?
There's nothing left here
How can this be?
There's nothing left here

We were
Never more than a dream
Brief as
Summer or spring
Sweeter than anything"

Polly Jean Harvey


[PJ Harvey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps3MYbdtTqc;
Bonnie Billy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eedVOZoPWI0]

"You're a folk tale, the unexplainable"*

“no meu susto de estar vivo, uma agulha costura os órgãos uns aos outros para que a dor não se espalhe pelo corpo. a dor, esse feixe de nomes vibrando junto ao coração. um dia estarei longe, muito longe de mim e de ti. terei perdido o corpo que te sente, irremediavelmente.”

Al Berto

*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQ66zPjRlkE]

Is anything wrong? Oh love, is anything right?

"(...) People outside

They know just what to do

They look at me

And they think that I know too

Is anything wrong

Oh love is anything right

And how will we know

Will time make us wise

I've found a home

Now will life begin

I can wait another year or two

But not one moment more (...)"

Lhasa de Sela

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oy2qyab6Bk]

Private little trip to hell

In the middle of the crowd, I cried my eyes and my soul out to the sound of Mark's voice - from the moment he started until the end. 


There's only so much damage a heart can take. And so much pain one can endure.
31/03/2012

S.

"Hey, baby there's a vampire moon
(...)
No one will know
We'll disappear
I'll hold your hand
We'll never tell
Our private little trip to hell
Tonight
Can i walk you home tonight?"


[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f56Z9w1uwgs]

Ninguém se perdoa no tempo

Porque o amor das coisas no seu tempo futuro
é terrivelmente profundo, é suave,
devastador.
(...)
Havia a magnólia quente de um gato.
Gato que entrava pelas mãos, ou magnólia
que saía da mão para o rosto
da mãe sombriamente pura.
Ah, mãe louca à volta, sentadamente
completa.

As mãos tocavam por cima do ardor a carne
como um pedaço extasiado.

(...)
Porque eu sou uma vida com furibunda melancolia,
com furibunda concepção.
Com alguma ironia furibunda.
Sou uma devastação inteligente.
Com malmequeres fabulosos.
Ouro por cima.
A madrugada ou a noite triste tocadas em trompete.
Sou alguma coisa audível, sensível.
Um movimento.
Cadeira congeminando-se na bacia,
feita o sentar-se.
Ou flores bebendo a jarra.
O silêncio estrutural das flores.
E a mesa por baixo.
A sonhar.


Herberto Helder, Poemacto II

It takes an ocean not to break

S.

"It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spiders
It's a terrible love that I'm walking in
It's a terrible love and I'm walking with spiders
It's a terrible love that I'm walking in
It's quiet company, it's quiet company
It's quiet company


And I can't fall asleep
Without a little help
It takes awhile to settle down
My ship of hopes
Wait til the past?


It takes an ocean not to break
It takes an ocean not to break
It takes an ocean not to break
It takes an ocean not to break"


Matt Berninger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfIm8lw4cCM

"got too much time on my hands, for these nightmare day dreams"

"My whole life’s been one cliched country unfinished line after line after line after line
(...)
And what little I am able to know of love I know that it hurts, it’s sick, it’s sick, it’s sick
It’s a sickness unto death and it’s a hell and at it’s best well hell there just ain’t nothin’ worse"

Josh T. Pearson

"You've heard the songs, you've read the books, you've seen the films... you know how it is going to end!"
(or something like that...)

Josh T. Pearson

I don't have any more fight left in me

S.

"I don't have any more fight left in me

Been punched to the left and hooked on what's free

And when I see that look of battle on tonight

I know that I don't have time to fight

Let the air be like rain and the moon go away

God delivers just paint and just pain has had its day

I will put my hands where all eyes can see

I've no threat to deliver so leave old Bonny be

When deception returns and anger holds its way

Oh, push me aside and say you will not play

I will go where you go and listen again

Oh darling, I'll heal and sing softly

You win"

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cruFQGKCuJg]

From her to eternity

"Everyone carries his own state with him, and demands a toll when another wants to enter."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjYf9IiB8QE

Memories won't behave...

"I'm waiting on the empty docks
Watching the ships come in
I'm waiting for the agony to stop
Oh, let the happiness in

I'm watching as the gulls all settle down
Upon the empty vessels
The faded whites of their wedding gowns
The songs of hopeless selflessness

The cold December Sun
A cold that blisters
The hands of a working man
Wasted

I'm waiting on the empty docks
Watching the ships roll in
I'm waiting for the agony to stop
Oh, let the happiness in

Oh, let the happiness in

Oh, let the happiness in

Listen to the waves against the rocks
I don't know where they've been
I'm waiting for the sky to open up
And let the happiness in

Oh, let the happiness in

Oh, let the happiness in
'Cause it's coming
Coming home

Let the happiness in

Oh, let the happiness in
'Cause it's coming
Coming on, calling home

Oh, let the happiness in

'Cause it's coming, coming home

Oh, let the happiness in"

David Sylvian

And just who are you this time?

"They're lining up
To mad dog your tilta whirl
3 shots for a dollar
Win a real live doll
All the lies that you tell
I believed them so well, Take them back,
Take them back to your red house
For that fearful leap into the dark
I did my time
In the jail of your arms
Now Ophelia wants to know
Where she should turn
Tell me... What did you do,
What did you do the last time?
Why don't you do that
Go on ahead and take this the wrong way
Time's not your friend
Do you cry, do you pray
Do you wish them away
Do you still leave nothing
But bones in the way?
Did you bury the carnival
Lions and all
Excuse me while I sharpen my nails
And just who are you this time?
You look rather tired
(Who drinks from your shoe)
Are you pretending to love
Well, I hear that it pays well
How do your pistol and your Bible and
Your sleeping pills go.
Are you still jumping out of windows in expensive clothes?
Well I fell in love
With your sailor's mouth and your wounded eyes.
You better get down on the floor
Don't you know this is war
Tell me who are you this time?
Tell me who are you this time?"

Tom Waits

If you don’t want these arms to hold you

"If you don’t want these arms to hold you
If you don’t want these lips to kiss you
If you’ve found somebody new
Put me back in the crowd
Put the sun behind the clouds
Put me back in the crowd

There’s a battle going on
Between the blue and the grey
And if you don’t want my love
Don’t make me stay

Take back your name
Take back these wings
Take my picture from the frame
And put me back in the crowd
Put the sun behind the cloud
Put me back in the crowd

Put me back in the crowd
Put the sun behind the cloud
Put me back in the crowd"

Tom Waits

"Começo finalmente a ausentar-me. Hoje, por exemplo, olhei-me ao espelho e vi que muito pouco resta de mim, daquela que conheci e tinha um nome. Onde terei começado a esquecer-me?
[...]
Falámos dos fantasmas com que nos atordoamos.
Cansámo-nos na revisitação de lugares-comuns e de procurar um sentido para tudo isto. Foi inútil, a vida já não é uma coisa desejável.
Sentimo-nos cansados, um cansaço semelhante à flor que murcha por excesso de luz, ou por falta de água. Não sei...
[...]
Conheço cada vez melhor aquilo que de mim se despede e não regressa, e aquilo que nasce algures onde já não estou.
[...]
Dentro de pouco tempo não sentirei mais o meu corpo, e tudo me será permitido, mesmo a morte, ou a simulação da vida.
As mãos, aqui estão as minhas mãos, secas e despojadas como um deserto. Para que terão servido as minhas mãos?
E os meus olhos? Em que extremidade do tempo por percorrer se situará o meu olhar?
E os meus lábios, os meus lábios? Alaíno... beija-os depressa.
[...]
Quem será esta gente cor de fumo que se evade dos meus sonhos?"

Al Berto

"God visits all lost souls
To survey the damage
And holding his bleeding heart
A tear comes to his eye"

Antony Hegarty
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9sUWDDmE4g]

Melancholia, mon cher

"Alles nur künftige Ruinen
Material für die nächste Schicht

Mela, Mela, Mela, Mela, Melancholia
Melancholia, mon cher
Mela, Mela, Mela, Mela, Melancholia
schwebt über der neuen Stadt
und über dem Land"

Blixa Bargeld 
[pssttt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7LBgwtKxq8]

Pessoal e transmissível

"Os meus sentimentos deviam guardá-los, ainda lhe podiam fazer falta, e a mim não me serviam de nada, devia tê-lo aconselhado a guardar os sentimentos, nunca sabemos quando precisamos dos sentimentos, da latinha de fermento que está há anos na despensa, da camisola de lã que não é vestida há mais de cinco Invernos, nunca se sabe quando precisamos de coisas mesmo se nunca as utilizamos, não fosse essa incerteza e punha um anúncio no jornal,vendem-se sentimentos, estado impecável, como novos, oportunidade única, motivo mudança de vida, bom preço." 

Dulce Maria Cardoso 


[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW4bSqgaQ3o]

In my heart it was so real

"I know it's over and it never really began,
But in my heart it was so real,
(...)
It's so easy to laugh it's so easy to hate,
it takes strength to be gentle and kind,
over and over and over.
It's so easy to laugh it's so easy to hate,
It takes guts to be gentle and kind,
Over, over.
Love is natural and real,
But not for you my love,
Not tonight my love."


Morrissey

[The Smiths: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sQPZ9dD9v8;
Jeff Buckley: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzIQquWxyK4]

Há muita brutalidade num momento de silêncio - raiva é aquilo que aparece na humidade dos olhos, indignação.


Ondjaki, Quantas Madrugadas Tem a Noite

Let's say it went kinda like this...

Sissy: I'm trying, I'm trying to help you.

Brandon: How are you helping me, huh? How are you helping me? How are you helping me? Huh? Look at me. You come in here and you're a weight on me. Do you understand me? You're a burden. You're just dragging me down. How are you helping me? You can't even clean up after yourself. Stop playing the victim.

Sissy: I'm not playing the victim. If I left, I would never hear from you again. Don't you think that's sad? Don't you think that's sad? You're my brother.

Sissy: We're not bad people. We just come from a bad place.

Numb

"such a wonderful life
when it's weighing you down
are you in control?
the suburban reign always stays the same
like the hollow smile cracking up your face

take your battered soul, wear it as a crown
all that numbs you

run a thousand miles, 'till you hit the ground
all that numbs you now
and days roll into one and the same on you
the world revolving around your spinning head

make the fences high
make the blinds go down on the world outside
maybe the day will come when you wake up not feeling anything
no more tears and no more pain

take your bleedding heart, wear it on your sleeve
all that numbs you
stare into the sun, the blind relief
all the numbs you
as the years roll into one, only numbers change
the world revolving around your spinning head

take your battered soul, wear it as a crown
all that numbs you
stare into the sun, the blind relief
all the numbs you
as the years roll into one, only numbers change
the world revolving around your spinning head"

Thomas Feiner & Anywhen

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5v2ljEnkyg]

So...

where the fuck is it?

S.

"So I'm left to pick up 

The hints, the little symbols of your devotion 

So I'm left to pick up 

The hints, the little symbols of your devotion

(...)

And I feel your fists 

And I know it's out of love 

And I feel the whip 

And I know it's out of love 

And I feel your burning eyes burning holes 

Straight through my heart 

It's out of love, ooh hoo

It's out of love

Give me a little bit serious love"

Antony Hegarty

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vgwp-iQenn4]

Somos feitos assim de espaçadas costelas, entremeados de vãos e entrâncias para que o coração seja exposto e ferível.

Mia Couto, Os olhos dos mortos