É demencial

"Errando pela baixa
Os olhos fixos num horizonte perdido
Sem uma palavra
Sem um som
(...)
Ninguém dizia nada
O silêncio
Acompanhava o olhar vazio
A dor"

Adolfo Luxúria Canibal

Não entendo se não previas os estragos, ou se és apenas insensível.

sharp razor blade as gift

(hoje o "presente" foi este... foi isto que me rasgou a pele, outra vez, e não me deixa respirar.)

What good am I if I’m like all the rest

If I just turn away, when I see how you’re dressed

If I shut myself off so I can’t hear you cry

What good am I?

What good am I if I know and don’t do

If I see and don’t say, if I look right through you

If I turn a deaf ear to the thunderin’ sky

What good am I?

What good am I while you softly weep

And I hear in my head what you say in your sleep

And I freeze in the moment like the rest who don’t try

What good am I?

What good am I then to others and me

If I’ve had every chance and yet still fail to see

If my hands are tied must I not wonder within

Who tied them and why and where must I have been?

What good am I if I say foolish things

And I laugh in the face of what sorrow brings

And I just turn my back while you silently die

What good am I?

Bob Dylan*

Push the sky away

[Acerca do novo álbum]

"Well, if I were to use that threadbare metaphor of albums being like children, then Push The Sky Away is the ghost-baby in the incubator and Warren's loops are its tiny, trembling heart-beat."

Nick Cave
http://www.nickcave.com/

Did you earn the fool's gold that you gave me?

I forgive you wanting to be free
I realize you long to wander
And I sympathize with your roving eyes
I just can't forgive your bad manners

Lhasa de Sela

The Love Song

“The Love Song must be borne into the realm of the irrational, the absurd, the distracted, the melancholic, the obsessive and the insane, for the Love Song is the noise of love itself and love is, of course, a form of madness. Whether it be the love of God, or romantic, erotic love – these are manifestations of our need to be torn away from the rational, to take leave of our senses, so to speak. Love Songs come in many forms and are written for a host of reasons, as declarations of love or revenge, to praise or to wound or to flatter – I have written songs for all of these reasons – but ultimately the Love Song exists to fill, with language, the silence between ourselves and God, to decrease the distance between the temporal and the divine.”

Nick Cave – The secret life of the love song 

Today it's a Nick day

"Jesus said, 'Wherever two or more are gathered together, I am in their midst.' Jesus said this because wherever two or more are gathered together, there is communion, there is language, there is imagination, there is God. God is a product of a creative imagination, and God is that imagination taken flight.

As a child I believed that to use the imagination was wicked. I saw my imagination as a dark room with a large bolted door that housed all manner of shameful fantasies. I could almost hear my secret thoughts bumping and scratching behind the door, begging in whispers to be let out, to be told. Back then, I had no idea that those dark mutterings were coming from God. (...)"

Nick Cave - The flesh made Word

Question to self

De que me servirá a consolação de me ter mantido fiel a mim mesma, quando as ligaduras escondem a bela merda que sobrou?

Detachment

"A child's intelligent heart can fathom the depth of many dark places, but can it fathom the delicate moment of its own detachment?"

Henry's character

Medical care needed

Não há pontos internos ou absorvíveis que o impeçam. As cicatrizes continuam a abrir, e a mágoa vai manchando a nova pele (ainda tão frágil).

I want to be a good woman

I don't want be a bad woman
And I can't stand to see you be a bad man.
(...)
And this is why I am leaving
And this is why I can't see you no more.

Cat Power

(reminder for 2 dreamy and wounded hearts)

Cloudy whiskers

B.

"A minha gata preta tem, por vezes, um enigma de pêlos brancos
(...)
A minha gata lambe-nos as madrugadas ásperas do rosto"

João Paulo Cotrim, A minha gata

Note to self

"Closer, move in closer
Closer now than
Than ever before
I doubt it that you can survive
So far from your trenches and your friends
This is where competition starts and
And all that ends

I sense a lot of tension
Loose, loose
Pull out your arsenal
Dance
(...)
By now we should know the music and the steps
Oh, me, I never asked, I never set you up
A little something for me?
A little something thrown back at me?

This is the floor, these are the rules
These are the moves
This is the room in which we dance
Close the door, say you will dance

Step into this room and dance for me
Step into this room and dance for me
Come on, lady, dance for me
Come on, come on, dance for me"

Madrugada
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mz5PJSEp_M]

"Há pessoas que demoram tanto tempo a deixar-nos."

António Lobo Antunes, Visão nº 1026

(como se fosse um boicote interno à sanidade...)

"Once you hang it on the wall / You can never take it down"

"But there's one thing you can't lose
And it's that feel
You can pawn your watch and chain
But not that feel
It always comes and finds you
It will always hear you cry
I cross my wooden leg
And I swear on my glass eye
It will never leave you high and dry
Never leave you loose
It's harder to get rid of than tattoos"

Tom Waits

(reminder for C.)

"Que humilhação ter-me tornado uma criatura estendida diante de uma pessoa de pé."

António Lobo Antunes, Visão nº 1026

just a flask trapped inside a fall

Entranhada na pele:




"she feels like a stranger has come in the night and stolen her life and left her with this
and boughs break on ebony toothaches
she is just a flask trapped inside a fall
I know you need to find what you thought you left behind in a past life
I won't question why the only light that you have you give away
I know you need to find what you thought you left behind in a past life
I won't question why the only light that you have you give away
she feels like a stranger has come in the night and stolen her life and left her with this"

Man Man

Desencontro

"Nós não somos o outro. De certa maneira, o outro está nos antípodas daqui. (...) Cada palavra que dizemos aqui é simultânea a uma palavra contrária dita pelo outro lá. A língua do outro é incompreensível. Nem parece uma língua. Até estas palavras, até esta frase incompleta. Lá, neste momento, o outro está a dizer exatamente o contrário disto, com a mesma convicção."

José Luís Peixoto, O contrário de mim está a escrever o contrário destas palavras, Visão nº 1027, 08/11/2012

Tongues out!!!

B.

Y.

B. (e o tracto digestivo quase completo!)

An old shirt that is stained with blood and whiskey

"Wasted and wounded, it ain't what the moon did
I got what I paid for now
See ya tomorrow, hey Frank can I borrow
a couple of bucks from you, to go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda, you'll go waltzing
Matilda with me

I'm an innocent victim of a blinded alley
and I'm tired of all these soldiers here
no one speaks English, and everything's broken
and my Stacys are soaking wet
to go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda, you'll go waltzing
Matilda with me

now the dogs are barking
and the taxi cabs parking
a lot they can do for me
I begged you to stab me
you tore my shirt open
and I'm down on my knees tonight
Old Bushmills I staggered,
you buried the dagger in
your silhouette window light to go
waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda, you'll go waltzing
Matilda with me

now I've lost my St. Christopher
now that I've kissed her and the
one-armed bandit knows, and the
maverick Chinaman, and the cold-blooded signs
and the girls down by the strip tease shows go
waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda, you'll go waltzing
Matilda with me

no I don't want your sympathy
the fugitives say that the streets aren't for dreaming now
manslaughter dragnets and the ghosts that sell memories
They want a piece of the action anyhow go
waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda, you'll go waltzing
Matilda with me

and you can ask any sailor
and the keys from the jailer
and the old men in wheelchairs know
that Matilda's the defendant, she killed about a hundred
and she follows wherever you may go
waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda, you'll go waltzing
Matilda with me

and it's a battered old suitcase
to a hotel someplace
and a wound that will never heal
no prima donna, the perfume is on
an old shirt that is stained with blood and whiskey
and goodnight to the street sweepers
the night watchman flame keepers
and goodnight Matilda, too"

Tom Waits

"Hell above and heaven below"*

S.

[keeping me company]

Reminder

S.

Note to self

"can't you see that we have come so far already?
light shines through the cracks and deepest, darkest, clouds
(...)
can't you hear that sound you're making?
oh darling Rosa
amputees they all agree that they would like their arms and legs back
oh Rosa
can't you feel your heart beating?"

The Devastations
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLx8Giba3mU]

Mature mild-mannered catastrophes

"But they don't use the word
once dropped it might break

They do not say that they have loved
for who can say
We were killed yesterday"

Blixa Bargeld
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ulbK3tUMNg]

Não encontro palavras que te teçam as asas

"queria soltar-te na forma de poema
mas não encontro palavras que te teçam as asas
que não se amedrontem perante a delicadeza melódica do teu sorriso
que se ergam sob o império dos teus olhos
e não se façam sombra.

mas não tenho mãos para te abraçar, ainda que fabulosamente,
– e todas as palavras são titanicamente indignas.

leio, ávido, eternidades na tua voz,
madrugadas quiméricas e legiões de anjos guardando-te,
florestas de opalas vertendo

sigo os teus passos fingindo não te adorar os gestos
as doçuras discretas
os jardins moleculares dançando-te nos dedos

sei que habitas num éden que não alcanço
mas não me sei impedir de te passar à porta."

Lima, o orvalho da tua voz'

p.s. - obrigada pelas palavras, pelas melodias, e por tudo o resto.

"I remember a faraway laugh, a sweet caress"

"I remember not knowing what to say
And how calm you had remained
(...)
Please don't let what was get in the way of what's next
Don't forget
That what's to come hasn't come yet"

Devendra Banhart

"Hiding under the covers
With no one else to blame
You couldn't help out your own neighbour
You couldn't tell it to his face
You were fucked up by the blame

You cower in the corner
Confide in your father
Let it out and say
Let it pass away
(...)
Let it break your day
Let it out and say

Wait there
Pull yourself out of this state dear
Acknowledge you were a fake here
From there on you might just grow"

Matt Corby
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W9ewqSjkKk]

Ship of woes

S.&Y.

It takes awhile
To settle down
My ship of hopes
Wait 'til the past leaks out

It takes an ocean not to break
It takes an ocean not to break
It takes an ocean not to break

Matt Berninger






[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=330UqSBEXaU]

Cimentando o desespero

"Tenho um copo meio cheio de derrota na secretária, junto das folhas soltas onde guardo pensamentos como quem cultiva em solo estéril mas não perde a esperança. Folheio abrasivamente o catálogo de loucuras: procuro um produto económico, mas eficaz; os caules de papoila que não tenho fumado tardam em cimentar o desespero. Quando olho, olho pela janela que não tenho, mas vejo sempre o outro eu rindo-se e perseguindo os fantasmas de lama das enxurradas estivais – parece-me feliz. Pergunto-me se saberá o que é ser a angústia travestida de vertigem e amordaçada observando as auroras sempre tão perfeitas nos olhos dos outros. Entretanto, as páginas vão-me marcando desinteressadamente os dedos. Fecho a janela para a luz não me julgar."

Lima, 'o orvalho da tua voz'

reconhecerei o volume da alma
agarrada com unhas e dentes às
réstias do corpo


valter hugo mãe, estou escondido na cor amarga do fim da tarde

Where have you gone?

... are you in there?

Y.

"Isto, aparentemente, não significa nada e, no entanto, faz-nos vibrar como cordas."*

 

*António Lobo Antunes

It really proves nothing

"Just listen to me breathe
but that proves nothing

In the middle of my circles
but their centre I am not

motionless
waiting
waiting"

Blixa Bargeld

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BBmN6JtG58]

ich hab’ dich unglücklich erwischt

B.

bleib
bleib
bleib
bleib
es fehlen stäbe, stäbe fehlen
die zwischenräume sind gross genug
dein schnelles herz wenn ich dich halte
ich hab’ dich unglücklich erwischt
bleib
bleib
bleib
bleib
ich kann dich nicht
am fliegen hindern
aber selbst zwei kontinente weiter
noch singen hören
bleib
bleib
bleib

Blixa Bargeld
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEPJ3It_lTQ]
[stay
stay
stay
stay
bars are missing, missing bars
the gaps between are big enough
your rapid heart when I hold you
I caught you in a bad way
stay
stay
stay
I cannot
stop you flying
but even two continents away
can still hear you singing
stay
stay
stay
stay]

"para adultos de pé e olhos abertos"

"Se há pessoas que olham para o que construí como difícil de entender é porque não compreendem a complexidade da vida, e isso não é culpa minha, é defeito delas. (...) O medo de saber apavora-nos. A ideia de tomar consciência arrepia-nos. Recusamos a possibilidade de viver no interior de nós mesmos. O facto de um livro contar uma história apazigua o nosso lado infantil. Não serve de nada salvo para nos tranquilizar. E continuamos por fora do que nos inquieta, nos assusta, nos alerta (...) Fiz livros para adultos de pé e olhos abertos. (...) Não é possível falar racionalmente do que não é racional, explicar o que se passa antes das palavras, desarticular o que é feito de uma peça apenas e a vida do autor só para ele mesmo e, na melhor das hipóteses, para mais meia dúzia de criaturas, poderá ter interesse. A arte, mistério impenetrável, não cabe na razão lógica e qualquer tentativa de a desmontar será sempre inútil. (...) Permanecerá para sempre secreta e insolúvel. Pode bordar-se em torno mas fora da muralha, nada tem que ver com a inteligência, a razão, o raciocínio dedutivo: existe em si mesma, por si mesma e para si mesma, apenas permeável ao inconsciente e, no entanto, ao tocar-nos no inconsciente muda a nossa percepção do mundo e de nós mesmos em consequência de um mecanismo que nos escapa. (...)

Pelo teu amor dói-me o ar

o coração e o chapéu.

Isto, aparentemente, não significa nada e, no entanto, faz-nos vibrar como cordas."

António Lobo Antunes, Adeus, Visão nº 1024, 18/10/2012

Heart undone

"Slowly unravels
In a ball of yarn
The devil collects it
(...)
He'll never return it"

Björk

"He offers
A handshake
Crooked
Five fingers
They form a pattern
Yet to be matched
(...)
This time
I'm gonna keep me all to myself
'She loves him, she loves him'
And he makes me want to hand myself over"

Björk
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqF8_UcUQdQ]

A tempestade aparece mesmo num dia azul

Pensava que já não doía mais, que não era possível que pudesse doer mais. Infelizmente, esqueci-me do bocadinho de vidro que continua enterrado junto às terminações nervosas ainda activas.

Parece que já não há mais nada para chorar - porque chorar - e isso não impede as lágrimas de cair. As putas insistem em não secar, ao contrário do resto de mim.

"What is normally called religion what I would tend to call music (...) I think records and music are more appropriate and more respectful of the human soul than the churches are. And more respectful of the needs of humans to communicate with the aspects of themselves that are neglected by language. I don't think people think about God so much as they think about themselves and how they're going to get through life."

Will Oldham

What has not disappeared in the storm...

Y&B

S&B

Não é coragem

... é apenas inevitabilidade. 

Transportar um cadáver junto ao coração faz-nos morrer um pouco também. Se já perdemos quase tudo... então não é coragem... é um não poder deixar de ser.

Through "the gloom and the blazing"

Surprised by what I found

"you've been on my mind

'cause it's about time to see things just as they are

(...)

I was surprised by what I found"

There's only so much damage a heart can take. And so much pain one can endure.


(I can assure it only fuckin' stops when there's nothing left of you.) 

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uctrQBJSY8]

In a nutshell...

2012 não tem sido mais do que isto. 

Y.

A labyrinth without walls

There is a labyrinth 

but it has no walls

there are no exit signs

no arrows, no red lines

and there is you and me

goes without saying

Where would you go without me?

We have to make decisions

before it gets too dark

the sunset is behind us

we're facing terra incognita

it's still hard to make decisions

in a labyrinth without walls

But where would you go without me?

Make up your mind

by chance or intuition

you can't just turn around 

stand motionless and wait

I could follow you 

or you could follow me

In this labyrinth 

without it's walls

where no ways are clearly marked

we find untrodden paths

we as you and me

goes without saying

And where would you go without me?

Homage to L. (who got caught in a storm)

It's been 5 years now. The memory of that night, of that moment, remains brutal. It still...
Miss you.

Maybe not

"Listen to me, don’t walk that street
There’s always an end to it
(...)
We all do what we can
So we can do just one more thing
We won’t have a thing
So we’ve got nothing to lose
We can all be free
Maybe not with words
Maybe not with a look
But with your mind

But with your mind"

Chan Marshall

I'm off

I'm off to save the world
At least I can hope

Josh T. Pearson

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0L9KghKIEfE]

Question to self

"What's a place like that doing in a girl like you?"

The Devastations

Things must be different from now on

I always knew what I was doing
I knew every face in the cast
Now who the hell let you in?
I thought I buried you way back, back in my past

I have waited so long
That whoever loved you is gone
So things will be different
From now on

Things will be different
From now on
Things will be different
From now on

The Devastations
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3SUy30vFi4]

Certeza desfeita?

Ou antes um coração desfeito?

Algures numa rua de Lisboa

Nota para S.

É tempo de parar quando: já não te preservas; ignoras o instinto natural de sobrevivência e te transformas numa suicida em potência; não evitas as lâminas que te rasgam a pele e as entranhas; és inconsequente no acto de acreditar; te permites uma existência enquanto desperdício vagamente humano.

Ultrapassaste os limites do razoável. Lembra-te disso sob pena de não conseguires regressar.

Enough is enough...

Resignar-me-ei. Aceitarei, por fim, a tua condição. Serei mais um ficheiro no teu arquivo morto. Partilharei a mesma sala escura com tudo o que atormenta a tua existência de estufa.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKnTjYu4c44]