Volta para o teu sítio escuro.
A caixa onde te enterrei já está no fundo das coisas imprestáveis. Fechei-te lá com as memórias do meu sonho. Mantém-te lá. Não saias só porque as noites desta cidade se fizeram contigo.



[A thousand and one nights of this
And then I will be free.]

It rained mackerel, it rained trout

Rudy's on the midway 
And Jacob's in the hole
The monkey's on the ladder 
The devil shovels coal
With crows as big as airplanes 
The lion has three heads
And someone will eat the skin that he sheds
And the earth died screaming
While I lay dreaming of you
Well, hell doesn't want you 
And heaven is full
Bring me some water 
Put it in this skull
I walk between the raindrops 
Wait in bug house square
And the army ants
They leave nothin' but the bones
And the earth died screaming
While I lay dreaming of you

There was thunder 
There was lightning
Then the stars went out
And the moon fell from the sky
It rained mackerel
It rained trout
And the great day of wrath has come
And here's mud in your big red eye
The poker's in the fire 
And the locusts take the sky
And the earth died screaming
While I lay dreaming of you

Tom Waits*

Innocent When You Dream

"hungry mouth that feeds on the world"*

Ask anyone what sense he would preserve above all others. Most would say sight, forfeiting a million eyes in the body for two in the skull. Blind, we could live and possibly discover wisdom. Without touch, we would turn into hunks of wood.

(...) 

Windows are eyes of the house. Peer out of your prison body, others peep in. Never a one-way traffic. Seeing always implies the possibility of damaged privacy, for as eyes reveal the huge external world, our own infinite internal spaces are opened for others.

What is the fate of the eyes during sleep? They move constantly, like spectators in a theatre.

The pupils dilate during abnormal states. Drugs, madness, drunkness, paralysis, exhaustion, hypnosis, vertigo, high sexual excitement. The eye finding its ocean after the idea of oceans has ended.

Enkidu was a wild man, an animal among animals. One day a woman exposed her nakedness to him at a watering hole, and he responded. That day he left with [her] to follow the arts of civilization.

Mates are chosen first by visual appeal. Not odor, rhythm, skin. It is an error to believe that the eye caress a woman. Is a woman constructed out of light or of skin? Her image is never real in the eye, it is engraved on the ends of the fingers.

In the Ars Magna, Great Work, the Alchemist creates the world in his retort.

The eyes are the genitals of perception, and they too have established a tyranny. They have usurped the authority of the other senses. The body becomes a thin awkward stalk to support the eye on its rounds.

Why should the eyes be called windows of soul and key to deepest human communion, and touch denied as mild collisions of flesh.

The body is not the house, it is the inside of the house.

The blind copulate, eyes in their skin.

The eye is light at rest.

Jim Morrison*, Uma Oração Americana e Outros Escritos

"Can't tell the birds from the blossoms"

Describe the sky to me
And if the sky falls, mark my words
We'll catch mocking birds

Lay your head where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass

Tom Waits*

My heart it's not kind
as I fast for your love

Shahryar Mazgani*

entangled heart

S.

Notes of hope

(para C., F. e M. que não se deixam derrubar, mesmo quando duvidam das suas forças.)


You can never hold back spring
you can be sure 
I will never stop believing
the blushing rose that will climb
spring ahead or fall behind
winter dreams the same dream every time
baby you can never hold back spring

even though you've lost your way
the world is dreaming 
dreaming of spring
so close your eyes 
open your heart
to the one who's dreaming of you
you can never hold back spring
remember everything that spring can bring
baby you can never hold back spring

Tom Waits*

[a voltar, pouco a pouco, do mundo da mágoa e da desesperança.
You can never hold back spring*]

*Tom Waits

Note to S.

I'll be back in a minute 
You can get it together by then
(...)
Are you the same person 
That was here before
Is it something important
Maybe not
What was it you wanted?
Tell me again I forgot.


Bob Dylan*

B.

I've been walking forty miles of bad road
If the bible is right, the world will explode
I'm trying to get as far away from myself as I can.
Things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
You can't win with a losin' hand.
Feel like fallin' in love with the first woman I meet
Puttin' her in a wheel barrow, wheelin' her down the street.
People are crazy, times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed.

Bob Dylan*

[Precious] Memories

I don't even think that memories are real. Memories are a constant narration to yourself. It's a constant thing that makes us what we are but they are... they quite certainly never happened the way that they are memoed... in our memories.

Blixa Bargeld
*

X & Y

There was a girl, call her animal X 
(...) 
she meets a boy, animal Y 
(...)
And she put her hand on his heart,
Right there on his heart, just for the joy of it
But his heart was lying down on the road
(...)
He was a head with no heart
(...)
She was a head with no heart


Nick Cave*

(conheço pessoas com algoritmos no lugar do coração.)

A lâmina não degolou o monstro, o corte superficial vai mantê-lo apenas afastado. Talvez se entretenha a pensar numa nova camuflagem para usar nas emboscadas.

manchmal...

Sehnsucht ist die einzige energie

Blixa Bargeld
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nahQhQ4Gy6k]

Question(s) to self

- What is left of the ideas and things you were trying to do?
- Look at every scar that I have... I am the result of all the things you have been doing (...) so the silence is sexy is not the opposite of the unbelievable noise - is the result of all the stuff that we were doing.

Blixa Bargeld*
(as a result...)

Such a shame, shame, shame
Shame, shame, shame
Shame is the shadow of love


Polly Jean Harvey*

...

There's a house on my block
that's abandoned and cold
Folks moved out of it a
long time ago
and they took all their things
and they never came back
Looks like it's haunted
with the windows all cracked 
and everyone calls it
the house, the house where
nobody lives.

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
or did someone do somebody wrong?

Well the paint was all cracked
It was peeled off of the wood
Papers were stacked on the porch
where I stood
and the weeds had grown up
just as high as the door
There were birds in the chimney
and an old chest of drawers
Looks like no one will ever
come back to the
House where nobody lives

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
or did someone do somebody wrong?
So if you find someone
someone to have, someone to hold
Don't trade it for silver
Don't trade it for gold
I have all of life's treasures
and they are fine and they are good
They remind me that houses
Are just made of wood
What makes a house grand
Ain't the roof or the doors
If there's love in a house
It's a palace for sure
Without love
It ain't nothin but a house
A house where nobody lives
Without love it ain't nothin
But a house, A house where
Nobody lives.

Tom Waits
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYpeZH9fNvc

Thinking of C.

Well, you build it up, you wreck it down
you burn your mansion to the ground
When there's nothing left to keep you here, when
you're falling behind in this
big blue world

Oh you got to
Hold on, hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
You got to hold on

Tom Waits*

Tenho um oceano que rebenta em ondas violentas contra a superfície interna da pele.
Não há ciência capaz de explicar como o tecido resiste ainda.

Oh Nelson...

Oh my Nelson, I love you and I will love you 'till the end
But Nelson, we differ by what we call a friend

Rikarda Parasol*

"there is absence, there is lack"*

"- inquietante...

y triste.

- é assim a ausência..."

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy*

Note to self

S.

- is it morning yet?
- no, we have a couple hours left. God knows what'll happen then.

Keaton Henson*

unless...

You will find me waiting through spring and summer
You will find me waiting waiting for the fall
You will find me waiting for the apples to ripen
You will find me waiting for them to fall
You will find me by the banks of all four rivers
You will find me at the spring of conciousness
You will find me if you want me in the garden
unless it's pouring down with rain

Blixa Bargeld*

O registo das perdas nunca se ficará pelo algarismo 1. O das ausências temporárias ou permanentes também não.

from the past

When you can't find your heart but your body keeps moving
When you can't tell your life apart from your dreams
Follow the lights into the valley
Gently respond to the pull of a string

Jason Webley
[www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD95A2Foda0]

Note to self

Hoje responsabilizei-nos. A ti por não me teres cuidado como se cuida de quem se ama. A mim por me ter resignado a viver na invisibilidade.

Não me senti culpada.

(pela primeira vez em muito tempo)

It could mean anything

25/04/2012

April
How could I not have seen

April
You coming

April
How could I have worn
Inappropriate clothing

April
All that careful stepping
Rounding of my soul
And now your rain

April
I feel you leaving

I don't know what silence means
It could mean anything


April
Won't you answer me
These days just seem to crush me
Hatching, collapsing, tumbling down

April
What if I drown
I drown

April
I see you leaving
I don't know what silence means
It could mean anything
Won't you answer me

I dreamed
I dreamed
April, April
That I'm walking
That I'm watching
April
Your rain
It overcomes me


Polly Jean Harvey*

Undone

Concussions crown was all I wore 
When my mind met the floor

Rowland S. Howard*

How can it be as quiet as this, this close to the edge?

F. by S.

Feels like an ending
She's winding her way towards a conclusion
That never comes
Caroline feels uncomfortably numb

She's in deep
Surrendering to the promise of sleep
Almost done
Caroline plays an audience of one

And it isn't polite
She won't even try
A problem to no one
A problem to none

How can it be as quiet as this
This close to the edge?
Caroline says she's nobody's friend

F. by S.

How can you breathe 
Embarrassed to be this far left of alone?
Caroline knows there's nobody home

It's ending
Winding its way towards a conclusion
Nearly done
Caroline knows there's nothing to come

When in doubt
She wanted to get it all down in writing
Didn't count
Better if someone else works it out

The files are deleted
No resisting at all
Already defeated 

David Sylvian*

Places that used to be home

S.

Hold me now while my old life dies tonight and I surrender

David Sylvian*

You paint yourself white
And fill up with noise
But there'll be something missing

Thom Yorke*

home for a lonely heart

Who measured the distance from the planets
Right down to your big blue spinning world
And heartbeats and tears and nervous laughter
Spilling down all over you, girl

Nick Cave*

The cat doesn't care, she's taking bets

Since we came to be here 

the pills will not work anymore

Don't try cracking the turnstyle 

or beating down the door.

Plastic rooms with false light 

won't save us from the drums. 

Horses beat the rhythm.

Carla Bozulich*

Sinto que algo me abandona, uma velha pele, um sonho do passado…
Como dizer esta tristeza?
Florestas sem música?








Adolfo Luxúria Canibal*

there won’t be a star left untouched

Just let me sit alone in this chair, my own make believe little throne
Ah Honey and collect the thoughts that’ll help me to stand

Josh T. Pearson*

Then your old friend silence will creep back into this pettiest of all places

He’ll ask you again, “Which is better or for worse, living with me or living with all my ghosts?”

Josh T. Pearson*

With intensity, the drop evaporates by law
In conclusion, leaving is easy
When you've got some place you need to be
I'm giving up this gig for another season
(...)
What if I had stood there at the end
And said again and again and again and again and again
An answer to every question
Riding for the feeling

Would that have been a suitable goodbye?


Bill Callahan*

Note to self

When will you ever learn
That what happens there beyond the glass
Is simply none of your concern?
God has given you but one heart
You are not a home for the hearts of your brothers

And God does not care for your benevolence
Anymore than he cares for the lack of it in others
Nor does he care for you to sit
At windows in judgement of the world He created
While sorrows pile up around you
Ugly, useless and over-inflated

Nick Cave*

Y.

Shivers

Why so green and lonely?

In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape
Broken branches trip me as I speak
Just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there
Just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there
There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck 
(...)
We are accidents waiting
Waiting to happen

Thom Yorke*

Lá estava o meu morto - e eu invisível no meio da multidão, com saudades daquele para quem já não faço sentido de forma nenhuma.

(It was a slippery slippery slippery slope)

Analisei, ponderei, exigi apenas a justa retribuição. 

Tenho a consciência tranquila.    

Então porque é que duvido no momento do confronto?

F***!!

Ingenue*

no Bairro (do amor?)

[*]

Stacking up hope

S.'s 50' appointment

And I don't feel well
Oh, couldn't you tell,
From the way I touch my face?
(...)
And I ain't no Hercules
I ain't no Hercules

Keaton Henson*

Hit-and-run

O mínimo que podias ter feito era ter enfrentado os destroços da tua escolha, sabendo que isso poderia ter salvo uma vida... com a devida assistência não teríamos amputado a confiança no sonho.

Pré-requisito

- traz a sua declaração de intenções preenchida? ah, ainda não pensou nisso?... pois, compreendo... desculpe, vamos ter que ficar por aqui. Sabe... eu já não consigo confiar. Não, uma carta de recomendação não me chega.

As cores saturadas da ilha; aquela rua a norte da península; dezenas de recantos, os intermináveis parques, a loja italiana onde bebíamos café, o gato numa janela em Kreuzberg... de forma intermitente estas imagens assombram os meus dias, e eu não sei o que fazer com elas.

*

teachings to keep

"if we could ever remove humiliation out of our psique then we can continue to learn things (...) I said if anyone has got a problem with it, that is your problem."

Eddie Izzard

We are, 
                I say, 
                           mostly lost.

Nick Cave*