for a while now

Alice - Isto deve ser o eterno tormento? Quer dizer que isto não tem fim?


Dança da Morte, August Strindberg

*

"I find it remarkable that most people don't seem to see the world as being, essentially, a very sad place because I think it is."

Rowland S. Howard, Autoluminescent

"my narcotic lollipop"*

* Rowland S. Howard

So why can't I touch it?

Well it seems so real I can see it
And it seems so real I can feel it
And it seems so real I can taste it
And it seems so real I can hear it
So why can't I touch it?
So why can't I touch it?

Buzzcocks

note to self

Evito a escrita como evito a vida, reiteradamente e com ténue convicção.

note to all

[Fui presença assídua em todos os desencontros.]

Lhasa's booklet

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.


Tom Waits

always failing to remember why

Waiting here, always failing to remember
Why we came, came, came,
I wonder why we came


You talk to me as if from a distance
And I reply with impressions chosen
From another time, time, time
From another time.

Brian Eno

A C. e F. que não param de me espantar

Foram duas semanas pródigas em surpresas - daquelas mesmo muito boas.

(Das que nos fazem sentir pequeninos por recebermos tanto.)

"Hold on to your heart, even when your body's bitter"

Even so, it hurts sometimes...

I recall the black days,
the blackest one
it's not the last one but it's there
and somewhere down there,
I'm smiling, still smiling,
I'm smiling from the bottom of my shapeless soul
I'm smiling, still smiling.

(...)

I recall the black days,
the cuts and the recovery from unnecessary growth
I recall these black days,
as maybe grim and villainized 
but also colourful
and somewhere down there,
I'm smiling, still smiling.


Blixa Bargeld

O dia teve mais horas do que devia. Teve também mais emoções do que as que cabem em 50 minutos.

I will return here one day 
And dig up my bones from the clay 
I buried nails and strings and hair 
And that old tooth I believe was a bear's 

I held my hand in the fire 
It burned me down to the wires 

Blood suckers hide beneath my bed 
And black fumes of skin so gently bled 
I slept with a cat on my breast 
Slowing my heart stealing my breath 

At sunrise the monkeys will fly 
And leave me with pennies in my eyes 

I will return here one day 
And dig up my bones from the clay 
I buried nails and string and hair 
And that old tooth I believe was a bear's 

At sunrise the monkeys will fly 
And leave me with pennies in my eyes

Mark Linkous*

"just teething for a foreign fallen destiny"

Now that I'm alone I feel the lonely brokeness
of all the wicked avenues I've ever sold my love on
all these moments of meekness and trembling subsided
I'm the outright abandon of this orphan child
home is on the highway living on soft bread and solace
I guess I'm waiting for nightfall or a solar eclipse
and to wake up half empty
only to be filled again with mourning
he's my evil shadow dove
my black palamito
can't break him like a diamond skull
I can't seem to do so
can't just rob him out like the
mob used to do so
like memories of porno and tearstains
and tobacco 
O it's a mini disastro
bigger than the ice age don't know if baby dinosaurs
maybe could live throught it, like indians and butterflies
what's crushed is my spirit, oh I fear it is too fragile
like fall leaves burn like paper

(...)

Oh I'm just a fall leaf something simple and shy like that
that's how my heart lies down beside the sidewalk
like an empty restaurant filled with perfume and balloons
I sit and entertain the bizarro ghosts of my soul
his name still lingers maybe lactates on my tongue
perhaps I'm just teething for a foreign fallen destiny
miserable but mine, I look like his mother
or Sophia Loren in an old fashioned movie
slow motion I cling to my child desesperate for love
one day soon my brohter died, made me remember all the
subordinate feelings I cast aside
maybe I had lied when I said I was ok
just getting along like a little song that stops to sing and say
"wild willow, windy winter won't you blow through me
my whole eternity"

Cocorosie

Note to self

A [minha] zona 1224 - 1225 parece interminável.

Em actualização

S.

The Place

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do sonho

Os pés assentes na terra impedem-me de ser a acrobata que sonha.

How long are we gonna be riding?

Señor, señor, you know their hearts is as hard as leather
Well, give me a minute, let me get it together
I just gotta pick myself up off the floor
I'm ready when you are, señor.

Señor, señor, let's overturn these tables
Disconnect these cables
This place don't make sense to me no more
Can you tell me what we're waiting for, señor?

Bob Dylan
[pelo próprio]

Birthday girls!

B., T. e M9M

Y. e M9M

Y. & B.

Y.

Y. & B.

Pequenos prazeres

S.

S.

"la peur commence à la surface de la peau"*

*Al Berto

S.

If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat

One last black bird without a place to land

One last black bird without a place to be

Turns around in hopes to find the place it last knew rest

Oh black bird, over black rain burn

This is not where you last knew rest

You fly all night to sleep on stone

The heartless rest that in the morn, we'll be gone

You fly all night to sleep on stone, to return to the tree with too many birds

Too many birds

Too many birds

If...

If you...

If you could...

If you could only...

If you could only stop...

If you could only stop your...

If you could only stop your heart...

If you could only stop your heart beat...

If you could only stop your heart beat for...

If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart...

If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.

Bill Callahan*

"I've never dreamed of the sea again"

The Mindeater

All thoughts are prey to some beast 

Bill Callahan*

"Pick another sad song for me, Jim."

we're all building walls,
they should be bridges
we're all building walls,
they should be bridges

(...)

So if old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind.
Let's sip a cup of kindness,
For my friends. Today's gone by.


Mickey Newbury

On the slope of the creek, I asked her
Where are you going hiding your flashlight with your coat?
My house is all dark and lonesome, lend me that light!
She raised her dark eyes for a moment and looked at my face through the dusk
I have come to the creek, she said, to shine my flashlight on the animals in the water when it gets dark

It got darker, and I asked again if she would bring her light to my house
As there were no animals in the water. There was nothing living moving
She said, I'm going to shine it on the sky, eventually it will reach a star
I watched her shine the light uselessly into the sky

In the moonless gloom of midnight I asked her why she still held the light close to her chest
My house is all dark and lonesome, I said. Lend me your light
I need it to walk home with, she said. I can't see in the dark like a cat
I watched her light get lost among the trees and into the lights of houses

Will Oldham

Volta para o teu sítio escuro.
A caixa onde te enterrei já está no fundo das coisas imprestáveis. Fechei-te lá com as memórias do meu sonho. Mantém-te lá. Não saias só porque as noites desta cidade se fizeram contigo.



[A thousand and one nights of this
And then I will be free.]

It rained mackerel, it rained trout

Rudy's on the midway 
And Jacob's in the hole
The monkey's on the ladder 
The devil shovels coal
With crows as big as airplanes 
The lion has three heads
And someone will eat the skin that he sheds
And the earth died screaming
While I lay dreaming of you
Well, hell doesn't want you 
And heaven is full
Bring me some water 
Put it in this skull
I walk between the raindrops 
Wait in bug house square
And the army ants
They leave nothin' but the bones
And the earth died screaming
While I lay dreaming of you

There was thunder 
There was lightning
Then the stars went out
And the moon fell from the sky
It rained mackerel
It rained trout
And the great day of wrath has come
And here's mud in your big red eye
The poker's in the fire 
And the locusts take the sky
And the earth died screaming
While I lay dreaming of you

Tom Waits*

Innocent When You Dream

"hungry mouth that feeds on the world"*

Ask anyone what sense he would preserve above all others. Most would say sight, forfeiting a million eyes in the body for two in the skull. Blind, we could live and possibly discover wisdom. Without touch, we would turn into hunks of wood.

(...) 

Windows are eyes of the house. Peer out of your prison body, others peep in. Never a one-way traffic. Seeing always implies the possibility of damaged privacy, for as eyes reveal the huge external world, our own infinite internal spaces are opened for others.

What is the fate of the eyes during sleep? They move constantly, like spectators in a theatre.

The pupils dilate during abnormal states. Drugs, madness, drunkness, paralysis, exhaustion, hypnosis, vertigo, high sexual excitement. The eye finding its ocean after the idea of oceans has ended.

Enkidu was a wild man, an animal among animals. One day a woman exposed her nakedness to him at a watering hole, and he responded. That day he left with [her] to follow the arts of civilization.

Mates are chosen first by visual appeal. Not odor, rhythm, skin. It is an error to believe that the eye caress a woman. Is a woman constructed out of light or of skin? Her image is never real in the eye, it is engraved on the ends of the fingers.

In the Ars Magna, Great Work, the Alchemist creates the world in his retort.

The eyes are the genitals of perception, and they too have established a tyranny. They have usurped the authority of the other senses. The body becomes a thin awkward stalk to support the eye on its rounds.

Why should the eyes be called windows of soul and key to deepest human communion, and touch denied as mild collisions of flesh.

The body is not the house, it is the inside of the house.

The blind copulate, eyes in their skin.

The eye is light at rest.

Jim Morrison*, Uma Oração Americana e Outros Escritos

"Can't tell the birds from the blossoms"

Describe the sky to me
And if the sky falls, mark my words
We'll catch mocking birds

Lay your head where my heart used to be
Hold the earth above me
Lay down in the green grass

Tom Waits*

My heart it's not kind
as I fast for your love

Shahryar Mazgani*

entangled heart

S.

Notes of hope

(para C., F. e M. que não se deixam derrubar, mesmo quando duvidam das suas forças.)


You can never hold back spring
you can be sure 
I will never stop believing
the blushing rose that will climb
spring ahead or fall behind
winter dreams the same dream every time
baby you can never hold back spring

even though you've lost your way
the world is dreaming 
dreaming of spring
so close your eyes 
open your heart
to the one who's dreaming of you
you can never hold back spring
remember everything that spring can bring
baby you can never hold back spring

Tom Waits*

[a voltar, pouco a pouco, do mundo da mágoa e da desesperança.
You can never hold back spring*]

*Tom Waits

Note to S.

I'll be back in a minute 
You can get it together by then
(...)
Are you the same person 
That was here before
Is it something important
Maybe not
What was it you wanted?
Tell me again I forgot.


Bob Dylan*

B.

I've been walking forty miles of bad road
If the bible is right, the world will explode
I'm trying to get as far away from myself as I can.
Things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
You can't win with a losin' hand.
Feel like fallin' in love with the first woman I meet
Puttin' her in a wheel barrow, wheelin' her down the street.
People are crazy, times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed.

Bob Dylan*

[Precious] Memories

I don't even think that memories are real. Memories are a constant narration to yourself. It's a constant thing that makes us what we are but they are... they quite certainly never happened the way that they are memoed... in our memories.

Blixa Bargeld
*

X & Y

There was a girl, call her animal X 
(...) 
she meets a boy, animal Y 
(...)
And she put her hand on his heart,
Right there on his heart, just for the joy of it
But his heart was lying down on the road
(...)
He was a head with no heart
(...)
She was a head with no heart


Nick Cave*

(conheço pessoas com algoritmos no lugar do coração.)

A lâmina não degolou o monstro, o corte superficial vai mantê-lo apenas afastado. Talvez se entretenha a pensar numa nova camuflagem para usar nas emboscadas.

manchmal...

Sehnsucht ist die einzige energie

Blixa Bargeld
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nahQhQ4Gy6k]

Question(s) to self

- What is left of the ideas and things you were trying to do?
- Look at every scar that I have... I am the result of all the things you have been doing (...) so the silence is sexy is not the opposite of the unbelievable noise - is the result of all the stuff that we were doing.

Blixa Bargeld*
(as a result...)

Such a shame, shame, shame
Shame, shame, shame
Shame is the shadow of love


Polly Jean Harvey*

...

There's a house on my block
that's abandoned and cold
Folks moved out of it a
long time ago
and they took all their things
and they never came back
Looks like it's haunted
with the windows all cracked 
and everyone calls it
the house, the house where
nobody lives.

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
or did someone do somebody wrong?

Well the paint was all cracked
It was peeled off of the wood
Papers were stacked on the porch
where I stood
and the weeds had grown up
just as high as the door
There were birds in the chimney
and an old chest of drawers
Looks like no one will ever
come back to the
House where nobody lives

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
or did someone do somebody wrong?
So if you find someone
someone to have, someone to hold
Don't trade it for silver
Don't trade it for gold
I have all of life's treasures
and they are fine and they are good
They remind me that houses
Are just made of wood
What makes a house grand
Ain't the roof or the doors
If there's love in a house
It's a palace for sure
Without love
It ain't nothin but a house
A house where nobody lives
Without love it ain't nothin
But a house, A house where
Nobody lives.

Tom Waits
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYpeZH9fNvc

Thinking of C.

Well, you build it up, you wreck it down
you burn your mansion to the ground
When there's nothing left to keep you here, when
you're falling behind in this
big blue world

Oh you got to
Hold on, hold on
You got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
You got to hold on

Tom Waits*

Tenho um oceano que rebenta em ondas violentas contra a superfície interna da pele.
Não há ciência capaz de explicar como o tecido resiste ainda.

Oh Nelson...

Oh my Nelson, I love you and I will love you 'till the end
But Nelson, we differ by what we call a friend

Rikarda Parasol*

"there is absence, there is lack"*

"- inquietante...

y triste.

- é assim a ausência..."

Bonnie 'Prince' Billy*