Barely...

S. 

(Foi com grande surpresa que constatei que o meu corpo sobreviveu a este ano infernal. Saiu há pouco dos cuidados intensivos, mas ainda não é possível determinar os danos permanentes.)

Quando chegará?

Vai chegar o dia em que eu não escreverei mais sobre ti, mas amanhã não é ainda a véspera desse dia. 

Pedro Mexia (a-leiseca)


[Ouvi-o tocar, vi o teu nome e afastei-me. Não quero ouvir a tua voz, quero manter-te morto... mas desde esse momento que tenho um nó na garganta e o coração a bater descompassado. Anseio pela véspera de tal dia.]

turn out the lights

Dos dias mais negros

Anjos de asas partidas ou arrancadas brutalmente. Despedaçados, já não nos guardam os sonhos. Cegos como nós, sangram ácido em vez de esperança. Vazios de amanhã.

31/03/2012

Dos dias mais negros

da colecção de lâminas:

- "quando eu penso no que quero para o futuro tu não estás incluída";
- "o caminho que decidi percorrer é o do bem estar";
- "a minha vontade não é estar contigo";
- "não é terapêutico nem para mim nem para ti";
- "a verdade acima de tudo".

Jan-Abr. 2012

Afinal é tão fácil...

S.

Letting go

S.

Like a far flung star
There you are
Littlest than before
As you slip from my fingertips
Left me here on the burning shore

Searched and searched
Ah, you were worth so much
More than you ever thought you were
Everything you believe I still carry with me
Broken down on the burning shore

And it must have felt much easier
To have the stars along your side
And it must have felt much easier
To have the world along your side



A Daddy's girl
I see you curl
And sleeping on the floor
Maybe you dream a little dream of me
Down here on the burning shore

Yeah, there you are
Attached to a star
Beyond the point of no return
Maybe you ought to spare a thought
For those of us down here who never learn

And it must have felt much easier
To have the world along your side
And it must have felt much easier
To have the stars along your side

Nick Cave
[Star charmer]

Dismal

I'll show you how the lilies grow
if you be still for me

The Daemon Lover - Traditional

"Wrapped in a coat with tears in your eyes?"

Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built 
Out of longing great wonders have been willed 
They're only little tears, darling, let them spill 
And lay your head upon my shoulder 
Outside my window the world has gone to war

Nick Cave

As últimas palavras foram secas, assépticas. Transportam o peso da desistência e da desilusão - não sei sequer se repararás na falta de calor, de humanidade. Foram escritas por quem não tolera nem mais um golpe numa pele cheia de cortes profundos e intermináveis.

[keeping me company]

Brittle

What you've managed is to cheapen everything I've done
and don't pretend to know what I've been through, son.
And these days grievances come through my open door,
(...)
I was once a careless lover,
now I live most undercover.

Keaton Henson
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvD4bAqj5qc]


(Thank you M.)

To C.

Does he know when you're sad?
You don't like to be touched,
Let alone kissed.

Does he know where your lips begin?

Do you know who you are?
Do you laugh, just to know
what I lack?

Do you know your lip shakes
when you're mad?
And do you notice when you're sad?

You don't like to be touched,
Let alone kissed.

Does his love make your head spin?

Keaton Henson

“os eucaliptos dos anos destroem tudo em torno de nós. Sobram cinzas, raízes, sombras, restos de pedras calcinadas, vozes ao rés da erva à procura da boca onde nasceram, a pedir que as escutemos. O que se ganha em troca? Uma cor diferente no silêncio, aquilo a que chamamos sabedoria e não é mais que uma tristeza resignada”

António Lobo Antunes, Visão, 2010

[keeping me company]

...

Não passo sequer no quarteirão do cemitério. Ainda não descobri como se faz o luto de um vivo. Só lhe consegui esquecer a voz... mas não o cheiro, a pele, as palavras e, sobretudo, o calor do abraço. Temo encontrá-lo a cada esquina e... perceber que não morreu ainda.

[keeping me company]

“É uma espécie de fascismo emocional: estou a limpar a zona com napalm.”

Pedro Mexia

"please let me start again"

I asked my father,
I said, "Father change my name."
The one I'm using now it's covered up
with fear and filth and cowardice and shame. 
(...)
He said, "I locked you in this body,
I meant it as a kind of trial."
(...)
"Then let me start again," I cried,
"please let me start again,
I want a face that's fair this time,
I want a spirit that is calm." 

Leonard Cohen

"Your pain is no credential here, it's just the shadow of my wound"

I stepped into an avalanche, 
it covered up my soul;
when I am not this hunchback that you see, 
I sleep beneath the golden hill. 
You who wish to conquer pain, 
you must learn, learn to serve me well. 
You strike my side by accident 
as you go down for your gold. 
The cripple here that you clothe and feed 
is neither starved nor cold; 
he does not ask for your company, 
not at the centre, the centre of the world. 

When I am on a pedestal, 
you did not raise me there. 
Your laws do not compel me 
to kneel grotesque and bare. 
I myself am the pedestal 
for this ugly hump at which you stare. 

You who wish to conquer pain, 
you must learn what makes me kind; 
the crumbs of love that you offer me, 
they're the crumbs I've left behind. 
Your pain is no credential here, 
it's just the shadow, of my wound. 

I have begun to long for you, 
I who have no greed; 
I have begun to ask for you, 
I who have no need. 
You say you've gone away from me, 
but I can feel you when you breathe. 

Do not dress in those rags for me, 
I know you are not poor; 
you don't love me quite so fiercely now 
when you know that you are not sure, 
it is your world, beloved, 
it is your flesh that I wear.


Leonard Cohen

(Cover by Nick Cave: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daNSyhVEvfM)

Esta minha inclinação para o inútil, para o que já está perdido à partida...

Shallow breathing

Something is creeping up. Lately, it has cuddled next to the heart and lungs forcing me to a shallow breathing.  
(I guess what's left unsaid haunts you down like a black, raging, dog.)

Bruises and scars

B. 07

"I have so many bruises, I have so many scars, but you have such a smile.
Oh you have such a smile.

I can't believe I was counting the days it would take to come back if I leave.
Oh, I can't believe I was blinking and trying to read between the lines.
I can't believe I was swimming in this empty pool.
Oh, I can't believe you're my Big Bang."


Mélanie Pain
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCakOqdxUYk]

A ironia das aparências

[4 anos depois]
- "tu estás igual!!"

*Eu!, eu que não me reconheço sequer.*

Was there a time when...?

Was there a time when love had failed you
And left you no place left to turn?
And was there a time when love had cradled you
And would catch you from any fall?

It's not so serious, not so serious
Not so serious, after all

And was there a wolf that escaped from your dream
And hid behind your bedroom door?
And was there a hand that reached out and pulled you near
And would catch you from any fall?

It's not so serious, not so serious
Not so serious, after all

Mother dear
The sky is falling
Through this night
I am crawling around
I need the sound of your heart.

Tindersticks

Sakuras & Áceres

A nossa história fez-se de flores de cerejeira e áceres vermelhos. Ao contrário deles não se renovará, está irremediavelmente perdida.

We go down with the dew in the morning light

While you were searching for your Gods
I was walking through the dark
Trying to find a way
To make you stay
With me

But I'm no match for your Gods
They have something I have not
The promise of a perfect love

(...)

While you were searching for your Gods
I turned my back on us
Trying to leave you be
So you could find your way
Back to me

Azure Ray

Blues run the game

Living is a gamble, baby,
Loving is much the same,
Wherever I have played,
Wherever I thrown those dice,
Wherever I have played
The blues run the game.

Jackson C. Frank

The magnolia blooms so sweet and it fades just the same

"Oh love, I been thinking of you
With razor white teeth so sharp
Honest its true

In my blood flows sleep
And the dark heavy rain
The magnolia blooms so sweet
Only torturing me

To the stars my love
To the sea
To the wheels my love
'till they roll all over me"

Mark Lanegan